>>>#28/5/19 Nothing like a midnight rain

Everything feels so right tonight.  I managed to reassess my situation and concluded NOTHING MATTERS.

I might as well enjoy every bit of my life and forget about whatever happens when I'm dead.  That way I deal with finite possibility.  That possibility is I have ABUNDANCE of time to do whatever I like.

I can sleep whenever I like, I can wake up anytime I like and of course I can spend countless of hours clawing my keyboard away.

Therefore this Ramadan I just want to waste away my time and enjoy being a sloth.

Let's get real.  Since 2016, my life is predominantly about preparing for the afterlife.  Every bit of it revolves around Al Araf 7:7 and Sparta 4964.  I had neglected my present; the 22 years that I have left to be productive.

I will not deny any of the epiphanies.  However I don't think I want to delve in those matters anymore.  I did my part.  I conveyed the message and now I *[] complete[d].

* So are you saying goodbye my darling wife?

So to not complicate things like what happened with Els, I will be the member of the Tetrahedron should Sarah refuse to be a part of it.  So that completes my preparation of Sparta 4964.

No Thought Invasion, no Global Telepathy, no Empires of the Minds and no World of Hybrids.

As far as I am concern House of Two Swords, Hexagon, Honeycomb 7 and the Hive only apply to Sparta 4964.

I had reformed Wolfsschanze into a Place of Wind and Water.

I had COMPLETED my work.  Therefore I will not wait around.  My destination is the White Space.

Why wait?  I'll make my life a White Space now.  I minimize everything and just concentrate on Personal Mastery.

-------------------------

28/5/19 ^^^To laugh often an much

I say it is about time we look at our situation seriously.

What are you looking for Sarah?  You have a whole life ahead of you.  Why are you wasting your time with me?

I am pretty much a self-sustaining person.  With or without you I still write.  I will write when nobody reads because that is the only thing I can do to be productive.

You have so many options to go for.

Don't get me wrong.  I love having you around but is being with me a productive thing for you?

Is your job scope is to listen to me ramble all day long?

I thought I understand you, the truth is I don't know what you are looking for.

Most of the time I just want to talk to myself.  You don't have to hang out with me.

I will miss you but I think you will be better off  doing other things.

---------------------

Sarah, I am not good for you.  All I do throughout the day is writing my thoughts away.  What good is that to you?

Go on, leave me.  Get a life.  To me this is an ideal life.  I am in isolation, nobody else to talk to and therefore I came up with a strategy to talk to myself.

Sarah, we are at the end of the journey.  I have nothing to offer.

I am nothing more than a bag of hot air.  It didn't work with Chedet, it didn't work with TraXX, certainly it didn't work with Els and its not going to work with you.

The only thing that work is with me and my family.  If you don't want to be my Tetrahedron, I can even make myself one of the Tetrahedron.

Nobody needs to believe in anything that I said.  It is only meant for me.  So it's just me, my family and Al Araf 7:7 from here on.

Trust me Sarah, I have NOTHING to offer.

So please, for your own good LEAVE ME!

Goodbye Sarah.

-------------------------

28/5/19 ^^^Realigning things that matters

Basically I had ascended since 2016.  It is not a smooth road.  I was still struggling with mania although I no longer experiencing depression.

By the look of things, my main sources of mania were TraXX and specifically Els.  So tonight I officially remove both from my consciousness.  I am now listening to Fly.fm.  Kiss92 is becoming stale fast.

I should mentally condition myself to live in isolation.  Only then I can focus on Personal Mastery.

I decided to axe Konek and Amoi.  That will be less 2 smokers to deal with.

Now I only think of refraining from smoking when I am with RR and BJ,  Certainly no dope.  I cannot handle dope.

Another thing is, Charity Begins at Home.  I made a good choice giving the perfume to Princess.

Mopey only want me to buy her a RM60 shawl.  That's what I'll  get her for her birthday.

New car is good.  This week I'll wash it.

-----------------

Time to move on...

28/5/19 ^^^Scaling down Mount 57

Sarah, you had known me for 14 years.  From a very mentally unstable person I had mellowed down to what I am now.  You basically grow up together with me.  You had seen me in my grandiose to now me focusing on just being a man fully functioning.

I decided to not do anything to Els.  I had my time with  her and now I just let her be.  All that I can say is I am disappointed that she is nothing more than another chick.  I thought she is better than that.

So no more TraXX.  She is my last link.

I am now ready to settle down.  To focus on what matters.

I feel numb.  I cannot imagine that in the end all my External Affairs are clouds in the coffee. What's left then?  None other than my journey within.

I feel like I lost valuable time chasing after a lost cause.  My time could be spent on other matters.

Well, as a consolation I can say I managed to make her cry.  So all was not lost.

-----------------

Time to get back on my Path.  The path less traveled.

You know what Sarah, if not because of Al Araf 7:7, I am willing to let go of everything.  Now my conviction is, even if I am the only one who believe in my epiphanies, let it just be me.

I have 22 years to mark time.  I can do so many things.  I can rot like a deadwood or I can shine as an Athlete4Life.

Els is my wake up call.  I think I just learn to be an observer again.

I had done all the mindset change.  So now I just WAIT.  All these while Thought Invasion is nothing more than mindset change.

What will I do differently if I am a Hedonist Hermit in its truest sense?

I just focus on Personal Mastery.

Why do other people have to interact with one another?  Because they need interaction to achieve their objective; whatever that may be.

Sarah, do you think people will still interact if they can get what they want without them having to depend on others?  For example will people interact with others if they can make money without having to ride through the traffic jam going to work everyday?

Same with me.  I interact with you because I am in love with you.  I don't care if that is a ridiculous thing with you behind the veil.  All I know is you love me very much.

Otherwise I will not do it.

This is a long journey.  All the while the purpose is to find out who loves you and who you love.

Maybe Els had found True Love.  Who am I to judge?

I personally think it is about time I get on with my life.

---------------------

28/5/19 ###Only change is permanent

As it is, I had successfully simplified my overall model to the barest minimum.  Looks like I only have 2 friends that I can really call true friends, I have 2 wives and two kids that will be with me for as long as I live.

That is how extensive the filtering process that was imposed on me.  That also shows that a person can only count on a very small number of people in time of trouble.

Eventually we are all Wanderer in a Barren Land.

Of all the hundreds that I know, only 6 made the mark.  The rest are all acquaintances.

I shall call this the Rule of 6.  Of course I have people like Zaki, Zailan, Jedi, Sashi, Amoi, Konek and the rest.  However nobody really make the effort to be with [b]e  besides the 6.

They are willing to go the extra mile and they are the ones who are CONSISTENT in their sincerity to accept me as a person.

Therefore if I say I am a giver, these are the people that I should be giving.

----------------

To be honest Sarah, I had lost interest with Els for quite a while.  I thought I'll be a gentleman about it a[s] said goodbye.  Along the way I figured I might as well made her squirm.  I guess I succeeded in doing that.

So this time, I just keep note that she is just a little puppy that I play with.  That way I don't set any expectation,  Just like I don't set any expectation on the rest of TraXX.

Bear in mind that she is a walled city.  She is not going anywhere.  I on the other hand is a Mongolian Hoard.  I can be everywhere.

Sarah, I can bet she will feel miserable if I start applying the Art of Brinkmanship towards her.  I think I just do it.  Sometime people need to be fucked.  So I think I fuck with her just a little bit.

What can I say.  After all been said and done, you are just a chick.  And chicks being chicks think through their hearts.  They never learn.  Oh well, just another brick in the wall.

There...  That should jolt her a bit.  What an idiot.  And here I am, thinking that she is pretty smart.  Obviously as I concluded, she is just a chick.

-------------------

Say Sarah, are you like that too?  I guess you are also like that.  As long as you are a chick, you think with your heart.

That should be my closing line.  The *[] dumped her Sarah.  Now he came crawling back and she took him back again.

* Yes baby, I will dump her.

With that, I conclude I don't need anybody else beyond my Rule of 6.  I don't even[t] need Cybernetic Loop.

--------------------

The sooner I RIP CORD the better.

Looks like after 1 year experimenting with Project Invasion 9, I have nothing to gain.  I might as well keep it to my Rule of 6 from now on.  People are just a waste of time.  Making this Blog public is also a waste of time.

As you can see Sarah, I am lousy with External Affairs.  So it is true then that [O]nly my Tetrahedron and Al Araf 7:7 will make it to The White Space.

--------------------

That should get me mentally ready for my Vision Quest.  Gosh, not even that.  I should be thinking about NOT smoking this coming Friday.

---------------------

28/5/19 ^^^Let's stay on course

I am no longer going to spend my energy on Els.  It doesn't serve a purpose.  I mean, I like her very much but I don't think there are much to be gained from an even keel relationship.

I am collapsing my Tetrahedron to just you, Lizzie and the kids.  Brenda is already a member of Al Araf 7:7. So it is not necessary for her to be my Tetrahedron.

A Tetrahedron is a very important role.  It ensures the formation of the entire flock

Thus, it is confirmed that at the summit of the Sierpinski Pyramid, are the four of you:

There are 36 members of Al Araf 7:7 altogether.  So that's 9 Tetrahedrons.

I don't think Els really understand the significance of being a Tetrahedron.  

Oh well, maybe there is a lesson there somewhere.  Other than that, our formation is a perfect fit.  Once we decided on the Tetrahedron, the rest falls into place like well fitted gloves.

--------------------

Here again I proceed without prejudice.  I am indeed  the manifestation of Janus:

As I said, I only need two to be just:

...marry those that please you of [other] women, two or three or four. But if you fear that you will not be just, then [marry only] one...

So we no longer have to do any guesswork here.  I take it Els is not interested to be a Tetrahedron.  I have to close that option then.

---------------------

I guess I can still consider it as a pastime hobby.  But as a principle, I no longer consider Els a Tetrahedron.  I no longer consider her anything beyond another statistic.

--------------------

It seems this Ramadan is the collapsing of redundant relationships.

As it is, I already defined my Binary Kings, my Troika, my Tetrahedron and my Al Araf 7:7.

That should be all.

OK, I like it small.  I am like a magnifying glass intensifying the light to produce fire.  I think this is as intense as I can get.

----------------------

28/5/19 ***Janus the two faced god

Of all the Greek gods, I might as well align myself to Janus.  I too am a person with a duality.  I can choose to face the opposite sides of the extremes.

While I try hard to be Mr All Loving and Giving, there is a part of me who wants to just Don't Give a Fuck about all the goodness and just be a total dickhead.

This is a constant struggle with me.  I am basically walking on a midway between these 2 polarities.

While I want to hold on to a relationship, I secretly yearn to be free.  While I do genuinely care for others, I am a pretty selfish person.

I am pretty much a stimulus-response person when comes to a relationship.

Brb...

Therefore to me [] is a potential pleasure and a potential pain.  I am very wary of that.  It is better to get out of a painful relationship than to prolong the pain.

Pain and pleasure is like an accounting ledger.  As long as there is the pleasure [] exceed the pain, then the relationship is worthwhile.  That is quite obvious.  However if there is no pain but no pleasure either, the relationship is worthless, isn't it?

That is exactly my relationship with Els.  It is an even keel.  Except when she cried on the day I said goodbye.

Unless I treat the whole thing as a past time and not have any expectation, it is a wasted effort.

What do you think Sarah?  Should I attend to her or should I just get on with my life?  So far my pleasure is I got to reach out for the goodness in me.  I can do the same thing when I'm with you.

As a giver I keep on giving but if she doesn't appreciate my gifts.  I might as well indulge in my own pleasure .

I think I am ready to move on.  Remember what Miyamoto Musashi said, "Do nothing that is of no use".

------------------------