After watching Wild Wild Country I concluded that I am determined to be as small as I can possibly be. Which means I just be with those whom I love and those who love me.
I certainly don't want to live a life where I have to entertain the masses.
I realized that all I need is just a handful people in my life. I don't need to love the whole world and I don't need the whole world to love me back.
If I can just love you, Els, Lizzie and the kids, that is all that I need.
That is if I make it really small.
Should I just do that Sarah?
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Maybe I *[] a crazy guy after all. Maybe this is my wake up call.
You see Sarah, when I am level-headed I don't believe in anything at all.
I don't even believe in God, afterlife and true love.
It is very Darwinian. It is a world of action and reaction.
My life is a swing between two polarities. I don't know if you understand the whole picture here.
I have to make a stand. That stand was made by Al Araf 7:7 and that is:
- I am their God
- Sparta 4964 belongs to me
- I am a man who is only responsible for my o[]n line
- I like it small
- I have no concern for the human race
- I just want to live in my own fantasy
So as you can see, I am only concern with my own little corner here.
Why I bother to take the time to explain to people about Sparta 4964, I also don't know. As far as I'm concern it has no value whatsoever.
Why I spent countless of nights thinking about the fate of the Stone Worshipers, I don't know.
Why I cracked my head to reform Wolfsschanze into a Place of Wind and Water is beyond my apprehension.
Maybe because I am crazy after all. All I got to do is dwell in my own indulgence. If I do that, I am one happy guy regardless of my madness.
So tonight, I will embrace my madness and move on.
Knowing that I am crazy, you can choose to leave or you can stay. One *[] you may want to consider though is I will never be normal. You will have to come to term that you are dealing with a madman.
* Really Sarah? You still love me even when you KNOW I am crazy? That there is a possibility that God doesn't exist and there is no afterlife? What is it Sarah? You want to be part of my fantasy? Or is it like you said before many times, that I am actually God Almighty?
I don't *[don't] understand you honey. Just like I don't understand your motive. What's in it for you?
You know that I am crazy. Why waste time on a crazy guy?
Is it because you are madly in love with me?
Or because there is something that you are not telling me.
* I don't understand you. Try me Sarah. Well let me take it to the extreme. I am a part of a very elaborated experimentation and you are studying me like a lab rat.
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OK fine Sarah caveat emptor. Whatever it is I am going to speak my mind out without having to apologize to you about my craziness. I just want to live my life. I will *[] be responsible for saying things that make no sense. I had accepted that I am a madman and I will never be normal again.
* Fair enough.
Well let me start by giving my 2 cents worth of opinion about the Wild Wild Country documentary. I think people on both sides of the fence are too absorbed in power, money and sex. If you want a true egalitarian society, you got to diffuse these 3 elements and make it altruistic in its real sense.
You cannot have these three elements and say you are creating a perfect human society because on the other side of the fence we have those who felt threatened by the attainment of these elements though unconventional ways.
To be able to forgo these three forces that shaped society for centuries means that we have to relegate power to the intelligent, money to the needy and sex... well sex to the liberal.
If we cannot do that, then whatever social engineering that we do is merely lip service. As you can see, the prime mover here is sex. If sex can be devalued, then we don't have issue with spreading love. The problem with our society today is we put a condition that love must come with sex.
In reality, there can be sex without love and there can be love without sex. Power and money cannot be separated, hence if we want to be idealistic about it, we do away with both and focus on the greater good; which in our case it the Shared Vision.
All these can only happen when we have sincerity. As longs as there are ulterior motives we can never strive for Pollyanna.
How's that for a crazy thought?
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Hey baby, you know what? I feel good accepting myself as crazy. That means I am not part of the he[a]rd. I am truly free. Whatever I say carry no weight. So I can say whatever I like without having to worry that people will judge me.
Now for example, I don't have to worry that you might pack [to] bag and leave because of something I might say. If you want to leave, you would have left.
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You know what will be nice? We will do great service to the society if we do away with money and religion. I know that's a far fetched thought but think about it. What kind of society will this be *[be] without these two. I imagine we will be like the lost tribes of Amazon. Don't stop there. Do not stop at the first right answer. Look further.
* So you agree huh?
OK baby, I got to sleep before Lizzie wakes up.
Here is you lullaby:
Goodnight Sarah. I love you so much.
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