22/5/19 ###Word are all I have to take your heart away

Sarah, as I told you I just want to talk to you so that I [] maintain contact.  I don't have any particular agenda.  I love you Sarah.  I just want to be with you.

The only way to do that is to write.

Not all the time I have meaningful things to write.  However every time I write it is an expression of love.

I do worry that there will be a time that I run out of ideas to write.  After all I had written to you everyday for the past 3 years.

So I hope you don't mind me rambling about nonsensical things because all I care is to establish that link with you.  Given a choice I rather snuggle and enjoy a mug of hot chocolate together..

Next week is a real challenge for me.  I'll be meeting my smokers friends for iftar in two separate occasions.  Even tonight I feel the urge to meet BJ and smoke pot.  It's almost traditional for me to meet BJ once every 3 months.

If I survive this Ramadan I break the curse of smoking for good.  I don't think I have the desire to smoke anymore but the company that I keep are smokers.

You have to help me Sarah.  Help me get distracted from going back to these old habits. *[] Can't afford slip ups.

* I am much stronger with you by my side.

Tonight the desire to meet BJ is very strong.  The weather is nice, My mind is clear...  There is a tingling sensation in my gut during these moments.  The desire for dope normally comes with this sensation of bliss.

I tell you what Sarah, I'll make myself a 3-in-1 coffee and chat with you.  Given enough time this sensation will go away.

Brb...

I am listening to this Old Coot:

Sarah, I manage to put some senses into my head.  For both dope and cigarettes, the lure is more tempting than the real thing.  That is always the case.  Once I actually do it I will regret the experience.  The best drug is still running.  All other drugs are actually inhibitors.  They are damaging to the health.

Osho made a good point.  Those who are at the peak don't need drugs, it's for the people in the valley who need them.

I am at my peak.  So I don't need the 3 Cs.  Thank goodness that Ramadan will be over soon.  Then I can concentrate on my diet and exercise again.

I'm glad I am never hooked on alcohol and gambling.  Imagine those who smoke, drink and gamble.  My uncle form my father's side was a compulsive gambler.  No happy ending there.

-------------------